Behind the Scenes of Paper Mario
by Jessi a.k.a. Crash
Summary: The title is pretty much self-explanatory. Yes, I'm alive. This is the realm where normal-ness is out of the question. If you value your sanity; turn back now!
1. Default Chapter

Behind the Scenes of Paper Mario  
Chapter 1: The Concept is Conceived! Mario gets a Makeover!  
  
Disclaimer: I own jack squat. If Nintendo sues me, it'll have to be for jellybeans.  
Yoshi: Yum, jellybeans!  
O_O....get away from me...  
  
Scene: Mario is in a meeting with some Japanese C.E.O.s. (A/N: This has been translated into English  
for my...uh...your convenience)  
Miyamoto: (A/N: That's Mario's creator) You need to lose some weight, Mario.  
Mario: *is shoveling pasta into his mouth* Hmph, I dof neg ta fuse weif!  
Miyamoto: O_O Without all the food please?   
Mario: *swallows* I don't need to lose weight!  
Japanese Guy #1: PAPER!  
Japanese Guys #2, #3, Miyamoto: *stares* Ummm...*little lightbulb goes on*  
Mario: *stares*....*no little lightbulb goes on* Right.   
Japanese Guy # 2: Paper light!  
Japanese Guy # 3: Thin too!  
Miyamoto: And we shall call it, PAPER MARIO!  
Mario: Say what?  
Miyamoto: TO THE PAPERIZER!  
Mario: *little lightbulb goes on* AAAAHHHHHHHH!  
The Japanese Guys pick up Mario, with great difficulty of course, and leave the room   
with Miyamoto following closely behind.   
Mario: Put me down! I don't want to be paper! It's not in my contract!  
Miyamoto: Yes it is! Page 3, section 7, paragraph 4! Read it sometime!  
  
Scene: A lounge. Peach and Bowser are there, gazing at each other adoringly. Luigi is arguing with   
Yoshi and, for some reason, there's a poster of Adolf Hitler (A/N: Hitler belongs to Germany. Or Satan,  
whichever got him first) between them.  
Bowser: Peachy, darling. *sighs* ^_^  
Peach: Bowsy! *sighs* ^_^  
Luigi: Hitler rules, you little green dinosaur!   
Yoshi: No! Sadame Husane rules! (A/N: I don't   
own him either. His government can keep him.)  
Yoshi and Luigi begin a tug o war with the poster. Mario walks in  
and he's been *gasp* PAPERIZED! BUM BUM BUUMMMM!  
Luigi: Look at Mario!  
Miyamoto walks in behind him grinning like there's no tomorrow.  
Yoshi: Did you do this?  
Miyamoto: ^_^ *nods*  
Luigi, Yoshi: You rule!  
Peach: Icky! Now he's even uglier! Why couldn't Bowsy have been the good guy?! *cries*  
Bowser: Don't worry, Peachiness. *hugs Peach*  
Miyamoto: *completely ignores Bowser* We have plans for a new game! You all have to be paperized!  
Bowser: Not Peach!  
Miyamoto: Yes, Peach.  
Bowser: Let's settle this outside.  
Bowser and Miyamoto walk outside and fighting is heard.  
Bowser: I'll protect Peach's beauty with my life!  
Miyamoto: Don't forget, I sign your paycheck!  
Bowser: *gulp* _ I don't care anymore!  
Peach: Bowsy is so brave! ^_^  
Bowser: OW! LEGGO OF MY TAIL!  
A few minutes later, Miyamoto drags a beaten, paperized Bowser in by his tail.  
Bowser: Peachiness, I've failed you...  
Peach: Bowsy! Your handsome, 3-d face has been flattened!  
Mario: You're supposed to love me, Peach!  
Peach: An ugly, fat plumber? Icky, no!   
Miyamoto: TO THE PAPERIZER!  
(A/N: I'll have to skip what happened next. The violence would change this story's rating to   
NC-17.) An hour later, the main cast, minus Mario's new sidekicks, have been paperized.  
Peach: *cries*  
Bowser: I still love you, Peachy!  
Mario: I love you too!  
Peach: *blinks*...ugh...*cries harder*  
Bowser: Insensitive plumber!  
Luigi, Yoshi: You don't rule, Mr. Miyamoto.  
Luigi: Hitler wasn't even close to being as evil as is.  
Miyamoto: *completely ignoring them* Now, auditions for new cast members!   
Mario: How many?  
Miyamoto: Alot! Thirty-five of them!  
Mario, Bowser, Yoshi, Peach, Luigi: Grrr...  
A screen that says "Censored" appears and Mario and   
company begin to beat the poor man senseless.  
Peach: Hold him, Bowsy! I'm going to make him pay for what he did to me!  
Miyamoto: YOU'RE BREAKING MY ARM!  
Bowser: That's the point!  
Mario: I'll restore your beauty, Peach!  
Peach: Icky, get away from me!  
Yoshi: Husane!  
Luigi: Hitler!  
Bowser: Leave my Peach alone, fatso!  
Miyamoto scrambles out of the fight and makes a call on his cell phone.  
Miyamoto: Hello? Yes, I need thirty-five positions filled. When? Next chapter.  
  
  
  
  
You all heard the man! Auditions are up next! If anyone out on the web wants to take part,   
just give me a name and a description of how you act! Anyone who wants to take part is welcome!  
Yoshi: That's your reader participation thing?  
Yes.  
Yoshi: Where'd you get this idea?!  
*shrugs* No clue. Oh, I have a cliffhanger type thing for you all! Hang on.  
Mario: Thirty-five new names to memorize. ARGH! There's no need for new cast members!  
Peach: Or being paperized!  
^_^ Buh-Bye 'till next time!  



	2. Auditions Begin! Who is Destined to be P...

Behind the Scenes of Paper Mario  
Chapter 2: Auditions Begin! Who is Destined to be Paperized?  
  
Disclaimer: Once again I own nothing. And I ran out of jelly beans, so if Nintendo sues me, it'll have to  
be for peanuts.  
Yoshi: No jelly beans?  
None.  
Yoshi: Then I'm leaving. *leaves*  
YES! I FINALLY GOT RID OF HIM! ^_^ Now I can have all the jelly beans!  
  
Scene: The same conference room that Mario was in during his previous meeting. It's 7:00 in the  
morning. Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, Bowser, and Miyamoto are there and everyone except Miyamoto   
is very sleepy.  
Peach: My kingdom for some coffee...  
Yoshi: Here you go! *hands her some coffee*  
Peach: Congradulations. *takes coffee* You now rule the Mushroom Kingdom. *puts her crown on his   
head unceremoniously*  
Yoshi: WOW! COOL!  
Miyamoto: Stop this sillyness! Peach get your crown back!  
Peach: *steals back the crown*  
Yoshi: Aw man...  
Mario: Why does this stuff always have to happen to me?  
Luigi: Stop whining.  
Bowser: *yawns*  
Japanese Guy #1: *pokes his head into the room* The auditioners are ready! *hands Miyamoto a  
clipboard*  
Miyamoto: Good! Send them in 1 at a time!  
Japanese Guy #1: Ok!  
Evil Shovel: *walks in* Hi!  
Everyone Else: *stares*  
Miyamoto: You're an evil shovel?  
Evil Shovel: That's my name!  
Bowser: *yawns*  
Evil Shovel: *to Bowser* You dare mock me?! *attacks Bowser*   
Peach: Bowsy! *smashes Evil Shovel's handle-like head with a frying pan*  
Evil Shovel: *out cold*  
Miyamoto: Um...don't call us we'll call you. *snaps fingers*  
Japanese Guy #1: *walks in and puts Evil Shovel in trash can and leaves*  
Miyamoto: Hm. That guy was...pathetic. At least it didn't take long.  
Bowser: Thanks, Peachy!  
Peach: Anything for you, Bowsy!  
Peach, Bowser: *are in the magical anime corner of love*  
Mario: *is in the anime corner of loneliness and is sobbing*  
Miyamoto, Yoshi, Luigi: *stares*  
Miyamoto: Well, we've lost them.  
Mario: Fantastic deduction, Sherlock! We only noticed it, oh, around the time Mario 64 came out!  
Mario, Luigi, Yoshi: *laugh hysterically*  
Miyamoto: *murmuring to self* They just want to get fired. Ignore them like you usually do! *speaking normally* Ok, next is...Shikkan Zoku!  
Shikkan Zoku: *walks in with a cocky grin on his face* That's my name and being # 1 is my game!  
Mario: But I'm #1!  
Miyamoto: Share the limelight, Mario! Tell us about yourself, Shikkan Zoku.  
Shikkan Zoku: You haven't heard of me?  
Miyamoto: *quickly tells a big, fat lie* We don't have the time to read or watch the news so we're pretty behind. Please humor us.  
Shikkan Zoku: Well, ok. I've...blah....I was fantastic....me...awesome....brilliant....  
5 weeks later....  
Mario, Miyamoto, Peach, Bowser, Luigi, Yoshi: *are sleeping*  
Shikkan Zoku: So I screamed "I'm #1" as I raced across the finish line and *notices them sleeping* Well, I never!  
Mario, Miyamoto, Peach, Luigi, Bowser, Yoshi: *finally wake up*  
Shikkan Zoku: If you have no respect for me, I will leave! *heads for door*  
Miyamoto: *stops him* No! Don't go! I have the perfect job for you!  
Shikkan Zoku: Perfect, eh? *yawns* I guess that'll have to do.  
Miyamoto: You are very strong right?  
Shikkan Zoku: Of course!  
Miyamoto: Then you are going to hold cue cards!  
Shikkan Zoku: *does a double-take* Say what now?  
Miyamoto: Without someone to hold cue cards, nobody will know what to say, and the game would fall apart! We need you, Shikkan Zoku! *assumes worshipping pose* Oh, superior being, please save us and our careers!  
Shikkan Zoku: *strikes heroic pose* Fear not, lowly ones! I will save you! Just call out with my special signal! *waves a flag that has his face on it* I will come running! *hands it to Miyamoto* Away! *leaves*  
Miyamoto: Sucker! ^_^  
  
  
  
  
Heh. Shikkan Zoku is an interesting character, ain't he? Anyways, as for the character auditions, I'll give you an example. Now, I need a volunteer...ah ha! *black hole appears, sticks her arm in it and pulls out Shikkan Zoku* Ok, we'll use Shikkan Zoku as an example!  
Name: Shikkan Zoku. Description: Cocky and thinks he's the best.  
Shikkan Zoku: As the almighty cue card holder, Shikkan Zoku, I command to know! How did you do that?  
Plot hole! Another cliffhanger for you!  
Peach: I hope some of the other hopefuls aren't as full of themselves as Shikkan Zoku is!  
Uh-oh...  
Shikkan Zoku: How dare you! *attacks peach*  
Bowser: *attacks Shikkan Zoku*  
Shikkan Zoku, Bowser: *are fighting*  
Peach: Go, Bowsy!  
Oh boy. Buh-bye, I guess. *goes to break up the fight* What the?!  
Evil Shovel: Take this! *attacks the author*  
Leave! Cut to commercial! Call the police! Just do something! Buh-bye! *runs away with Evil Shovel hot on her heels, leaving Shikkan Zoku and Bowser to beat eachother senseless and for Peach to support her so called enemy* 


	3. More Auditions! Will Mario And Co. Ever ...

Behind The Scenes of Paper Mario  
Chapter 3: More Auditions! Will Mario And Co. Ever Have A Normal Day?  
  
A/N: Sorry this took so long. Please forgive me. Also, Rini: please forgive me for the fact that I have no real idea of how British people talk.  
  
Scene: In that same meeting room. Miyamoto, Mario, Peach, Bowser, Yoshi, and Luigi are chatting about nothing in general.  
Mario: When am I going to get paid?  
Yoshi: Husane!  
Luigi: Hitler!  
Peach: Bowsy. *sigh*  
Bowser: Peachy. *sigh*  
Everyone Else: *looks sickened*  
Miyamoto: Ok, how about we go with the auditions? #3! Yoshiharu!  
Yoshiharu: *walks in* Hello! *sees Mario* Mario! *eyes turn into little hearts*   
Miyamoto: *teases Mario* Mario has a girlfriend!  
Mario: You bet I do! *hugs Yoshiharu*  
Yoshiharu: This is wonderful exponentially to the 9th level! (translation: This is a Kodak moment (A/N: I don't own Kodak.).)  
Peach: How can anyone love Mario?! Icky! *throws up on Bowser*  
Bowser: Even your barf is beautiful! *Peach and Bowser sigh*  
Miyamoto: O_O... Ok, since you're in love with Mario...why don't you be his make-up artist?  
Yoshiharu: Yay! This is better than multiplying exponents! (translation: I'll take the job!) Bye, Mario! *skips out of the room happily, reverting from genius mode to ditz mode* Tra la la la! Mario loves me!  
Mario: Yoshiharu likes me! ^_^  
Miyamoto: *stares* Um, ok. Next, #4, DarkMillenia!  
DarkMillenia: *walks in* Greetings.  
Miyamoto: Ok, first and foremost, do you love any of us?  
DarkMillenia: O_O No.  
Evil Shovel: *appears out of nowhere* Die, Miyamoto! *jumps towards Miyamoto*  
DarkMillenia: Not on my watch! *smashes Evil Shovel's head and throws him out of a window*  
Everyone Else: *bursts into applause*  
DarkMillenia: *blushes*  
Miyamoto: Oh, you are so getting a job! How about stage manager?  
Japanese Guy #2: That's my job!  
Miyamoto: Not any more! You're fired!  
Japanese Guy #2: *sulks away*  
DarkMillenia: Simply fantastic. Thanks, see you soon! *walks out*  
Miyamoto: #5, Me.  
Luigi: You're auditioning?  
Miyamoto: No. The guy's name is "Me".  
Everyone Else: Oh!  
Me: *walks in* Hey, wassup?  
Yoshi: Not much.  
Miyamoto: Are you a spaz, in love with any of us, or insane?!  
Me: O_O... No.  
Miyamoto: Are you sure you're not in love with any of us?!?!  
Me: O_O... Yeah, I'm sure.  
Miyamoto: Hm, Toad'll be upset...  
Me: I knew it! I knew he was! *everyone else claps their hands over jis mouth*   
Miyamoto: Watch it, Me, there's alot of censors around here! *everyone sits back down*  
Me: Cool.  
Miyamoto: So, what are your qualifications?  
Me: I've been workin' for da man as a security gaurd!  
Miyamoto: I had to fire our only security guy last week! Ok, your hired!  
Me: Cool! See you later! *leaves*  
Luigi: This is going quite well!  
Miyamoto: Shut your trap or you won't get paid!  
Luigi: *shuts his trap so he'll get paid*  
Miyamoto: Ok, #6, Nate!  
Nate: *walks in* Hey!  
Peach: Whoa! What a hunk! *eyes turn into little hearts*  
Bowser: Does this mean you don't love me anymore? *sobs*  
Peach: Yes, you ugly dinosuar! * runs up to Nate* Hi, handsome!  
Bowser: WWWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! *starts to cry and runs out of the room*  
Nate: I've only said 1 word...  
Peach: You're cute!  
Miyamoto: Oh boy, do I feel sorry for you, Nate!  
Peach: *gets really ticked* You'd better give him a job!  
Miyamoto: *gets really meek* Ok, he can be your wardrobe director!   
Peach: *turns real nice* Yay! Hear that handsome? *clings to Nate's arm*  
Nate: My name's Nate...and I'd better be going...  
Peach: You're staying right here with me, cutie! *knocks Mario out of his chair and forces Nate to sit down*  
Nate: Uh, thanks...*sits down*  
Mario: Get outta my chair!  
Nate: *punches Mario*  
Mario: *is out cold*  
Peach: My big, strong boyfriend!  
Nate: *whimpers*  
Miyamoto: O_O... Ok, #7, Bill Joey Mike Mac Stu Stuey D. VonPatatoButt XXXIV....  
Yoshi: You could name 6 people with that name....  
Bill Joey etc: *walks in* Hey, anything to eat? I heard there would be snacks!  
Miyamoto: Uh, you heard wrong.  
Bill Joey etc: No snacks? Rip-off! *gets up to leave*  
Miyamoto: No wait! We need a...a...*thinks quickly* a food tester! Can you handle that?  
Bill Joey etc: *stops and jumos into Miyamoto's arms* Heck, yeah, I can do that! I love food!  
Miyamoto: *is sweating*  
Bill Joey etc: *is yaking about the first pizza he ever ate*  
Miyamoto: *drops Bill Joey (you know the rest)* Sorry...*gasps for air* I'm not very strong...  
Shikkan Zoku: *appears out of nowhere* But I am!!!!!!!  
Nate: *stands up* So am I! *Peach forces him back into the chair and sits on his lap*  
Miyamoto: I didn't signal you, Shikkan Zoku.  
Shikkan Zoku: Oops...*leaves*  
Miyamoto: Arg!  
  
  
Sorry it took so long to get this up. I'll be faster next time. ^_^  
Everyone In The Fic: You'd better be!!!!  
Nya...don't yell at me! 


	4. This Calls For A Vacation!

Behind The Scenes Of Paper Mario  
Chapter 4: This Calls For A Vacation!  
  
A/N: Hi again. I don't own Mario & Co. The Evil Shovel is from my nightmares...so I guess that makes him mine. I don't own those volunteer characters. And auditions will be up for a while, needless to say. Afterall, I need to get ALOT official Nintendo characters in this.  
  
Scene: Still in that conference room. This time, everyone has coffee so they won't get too tired this time.  
Peach: *is boring Nate out of his mind* So, I raced past Mario and beat him to the finish line!  
Nate: *sips coffee* That's nice. *sips coffee*  
Mario: *in anime corner of loneliness and is sobbing...again*  
Luigi: Ya know what, Yoshi...  
Yoshi: No, what?  
Luigi: Bill Clinton is way more evil than Hitler and Husane combined...  
Yoshi: But his name doesn't begin with an "H".  
Luigi: Good point.  
Miyamoto: Ok, next is the Koopa Bros.  
Mario, Luigi: They ripped-off our name!!!!  
Koopa Bros: Hey! We didn't rip-off nobody, no way!  
Nate: That's a triple negative!  
Red: Get offa our backs!  
Miyamoto: Attitude! Lots of it too! You're in!  
Black: That didn't take long.  
Green: It's easy being green!  
Yellow: COOL!!!!!!!!  
Koopa Bros: *all walk out bragging*  
Miyamoto: We have some villains! Ok, next Ariela Moreno!  
Ariela: *walks in shyly* Hello.   
Mario: Someone meek!  
Miyamoto: Mario, shut it.  
Peach: Hm...she seems nice.  
Luigi: Whoop-de-doo.  
Nate: Can I go now?  
Peach: NO!!!! *starts to cry*  
Nate: *feels very guilty* I'll stay, Princess.  
Peach: *perks up* YAY!!!!  
Miyamoto: You're quiet. You're in! You'll be Peach's make-up artist!  
Ariela: Thank-you. You're very kind. *walks out*  
Miyamoto: Alright, next is Goombario!  
Goombario: *walks in* Wow! I can't believe I'm actually here! In an office at Nintendo headquarters in Japan!!!!!  
Mario: He's full of hot air.  
Miyamoto: He's perfect! You're in!  
Goombario: That was easy! *walks out* Wait 'til Goombaria hears! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
Everyone Else: O_o....  
Mario: I need a vacation... How many more for today?  
Miyamoto: Just one, next, Parakarry.  
Parakarry: *flys in* Hello. I'm a post-koopa.  
Yoshi: Big whoop.  
Parakarry: My, you're in a good mood. Oh, I lost a letter around here, somewhere. Has anyone seen it?  
Luigi: You're pathetic.  
Miyamoto: Just what we need! You're hired!  
Parakarry: Alright!! *flys out* Now where is that letter?  
Miyamoto: Time for a vacation! Let's go to the Bahamas!  
Everyone Else: YEAH!!!  
  
  
Sorry this took so long again...nya...I'm sorry! -_- Sorry it's so short too! C-ya! 


	5. Will Auditions Ever End?

Behind The Scenes Of Paper Mario  
Chapter 5: Will Auditions Ever End?  
  
A/N: I don't own Mario and co. Geez, I need to get my butt in gear don't I?  
  
Scene: A luxury resort in the Bahamas. Miyamoto, Mario, Peach, Nate, Yoshi, and Luigi are lounging around in some really comfy looking chairs.  
Mario: Pity Bowser couldn't come.  
Luigi: Yeah, but his therapist said a vacation would cloud his mind.  
Peach: Good riddance, I say. What do you say handsome? *clutches Nate's arm*  
Nate: *is too afraid to disagree with Peach* Yeah, the ugly lizard had it coming. He deserved to go insane like that.  
Miyamoto: Ya'know...  
Everyone Else: *groans*  
Miyamoto: We should stilll be doing auditions.  
Yoshi: No! *runs away*  
Miyamoto: Well, his pay is getting docked.  
Mario: But we're on vacation!  
Miyamoto: Yeah, but...*is distracted*  
Everyone Else: *is also distracted*  
Japanese Guy #3: *is descending to the ground with a parachute as a low flying plane flies into the sunset*   
Miyamoto: He is so getting a raise!  
Japanese Guy #3: *runs up to Miyamoto* Sir! There are only 7 more applicants! People have been leaving!  
Miyamoto: Why?  
Japanese Guy #3: *begins to get impatient* They are impatient.  
Miyamoto: *takes the hint* Ok, we'll hop the next flight back to Japan.  
  
15 HOURS LATER....  
Mario, Miyamoto, and the others, excluding Yoshi, are filing back into their usual conference room.  
Mario: I think we forgot something...  
  
BACK IN THE BAHAMAS...  
Yoshi: Guys? Guys?! They've abandoned me!!!!!!! *screams bloody murder while ranting about friends, pay checks, and sunburns*  
Pretty Girl In A Bikini: *walks by*  
Yoshi: *ceases screaming, drools, and follows her*  
  
BACK IN JAPAN...  
Miyamoto: No, we got everything. Next!  
Bow: *enters* Well, it is about time! I have been waiting for months!  
Miyamoto: Sorry lady, but our first applicant was a real motor-mouth.  
  
ELSEWHERE IN JAPAN...  
Shikkan Zoku's acute hearing picks up what Miyamoto just said.  
Shikkan Zoku: How dare he insult me, the almighty cue card holder! I shall let it slide, but next time, he shall feel my wrath when I exact my revenge! They will feel my wrath! *laughs maniacally*  
  
MEANWHILE, WITH MARIO AND COMPANY...  
Miyamoto: Anyway, what are your qualifications?  
Bow: I'm a boo.  
Everyone Else: *is not impressed*  
Bow: *thinks franatically* I can disappear!  
Everyone Else: *still not impressed*  
Bow: *is really desperate now* I have a bow!  
Everyone Else: *is really impressed* Ooohhh! Aaaahhh!  
Miyamoto: You've got yourself a job!  
Bow: *sighs happily and leaves*  
Nate: She had a really pretty bow.  
Peach: *growls*  
Nate: *is scared* But it's nothing compared to your beauty, Peach!  
Peach: *squeezes Nate's arm happily*  
Nate: *has lost all feeling in his arm*  
Miyamoto: Anyway, next!  
Yellow Spark: *flies in* Hello!  
Everyone Else: *stares*  
Yellow Spark: *stares back*  
Miyamoto: It's a fairy!  
Yellow Spark: I'm a pixie actually. You know, people often don't believe me when I tell them that I'm a pixie.  
Mario: I've seen everything and I have no problem whatsoever believing it.  
Yellow Spark: *is dumbfounded* Really?  
Mario: Stranger things have happened.  
Miyamoto: You like to talk don't you?  
Yellow Spark: Oh yes! It's my favorite, favorite, favorite thing to do!  
Miyamoto: Okay then! Can you relay messages?  
Yellow Spark: *thinks* I think I can.  
Miyamoto: Good! You're in! We need a reliable messenger.  
Yellow Spark: Yay! See you around! *flies out*  
Luigi: Well, she was in a good mood.  
Mario: She probably got a full vacation too.  
Miyamoto: Are you still mad at me about that?  
Everyone Else: Yes!  
Miyamoto: Okay, after we're done with the game, we'll go back to the Bahamas.  
Everyone Else: Yay!  
  
  
Hi! I'll be finishing auditions next time, so this is your last chance to get in the fic. I'll try to get the next chapter out faster! I've been swamped with work latley, but I'll get it up as soon as possible! 'Till then, C-ya! 


	6. Insanity has its Disadvantages

Behind The Scenes of Paper Mario!  
Chapter 6: Insanity has its Disadvantages  
  
A/N: Yes, I've taken a break from reality to get back to my writing roots. I own jack squat. If somebody does sue me...I spent all of my money on jelly beans and Christmas presents and candy canes...and then I ate'em all...I don't know what they could possibly sue me for...how about some notebook paper?... Sorry about the wait. I got caught in so much stuff I completely forgot about thtis fic. Then I spotted it on my hard drive... Huh?! What the?!  
Yoshi: *runs in with a machete* Give me the jelly beans!  
I ate them all. Sorry, Yoshi.  
Yoshi: *sulks away*  
  
Scene: A small cafe where Miyamoto, Mario, Bowser, Nate, and Peach (who is still clutching Nate's poor arm) are sitting at one of the larger tables. Luigi is nowhere to be seen.  
Miyamoto: *is very cheerful* It's nice to have have a change of scenery. Too bad Luigi got sick.  
Mario: *is very depressed* Of you. The scenery in the Bahamas was better. I'm still convinced we left something behind.  
  
BACK IN THE BAHAMAS....  
Yoshi: *has several bruises on his face that resemble hands* Ow...   
  
BACK IN JAPAN....  
Peach: *has little hearts for eyes*  
Nate: *is freaked out*  
Everyone Else: *is staring at them*  
Japanese Guy #1: *walks up to Miyamoto* The remaining auditioners are here.  
Miyamoto: Good. Send the first one over.  
Japanese Guy #1: *beckons an auditioner over*  
Draco: *walks over from one of the small tables* Hello! *sees Peach* Hi! *eyes turn into little hearts*  
Peach: Back off! *whips a machete out of who knows where* I'm taken. *hugs Nate's arm even tighter*  
Nate: *really needs some morphine*  
Bowser: How could you just desert me?! *runs off crying...again*  
Other People In The Cafe: Jerry Jerry Jerry!  
Draco:... Okay...  
Miyamoto: Are you freaked out?  
Draco: Yep.  
Miyamoto: Are you willing to be in completely idiotic situations?  
Draco: I guess.  
Miyamoto: Will you leave Peach alone?  
Draco: Heck, yeah!  
Miyamoto: Good! #1, come here!  
Japanese Guy #1: Yes, sir?  
Miyamoto: You're fired.   
Japanese Guy #1: *sulks away*  
Miyamoto: You're my new gofer, whoever you are!  
Draco: Draco.  
Miyamoto: Whatever. Send the next one over.  
Draco: *beckons an auditioner over*  
Bombette: *waddles over* Hiya, I'm Bombette!  
Miyamoto: You're in.  
Bombette: Why?  
Miyamoto: I want to wipe that stupid grin off your face. And everybody else will help me, won't you?  
Everybody Else: *sips Cafe Lattes that appeared out of nowhere*  
Miyamoto: Maybe I should rephrase that. Anyone who wants to get paid this century will help me, won't you?  
Mario: *pulls a gigantic briefcase out from under the table, opens it, and gives Peach, Nate, and Draco each a sponge and some soap*  
Bombette: *stops grinning and leaves*   
Miyamoto: I love my job. Send over the next one, Draco!  
Draco: Yeah, yeah. *waves at the next auditioner*  
Auditioner: *floats over* Hiya!  
Mario: It's a...  
Nate: Miniature sun?  
Watt: No, I'm Watt.  
Mario: What's a "Watt"?  
Yoshiharu: *appears out of nowhere and jumps into Mario's lap* Well, Mario, a watt is a measurement of electricity. In this case however, a watt is an actual living organism that is electro-magnetically charged!  
Everyone Else:....Okay....  
Peach: How did you get here?!  
Yoshiharu: My latest invention, the Cello-phonic Atomically Based Teleporter!  
Miyamoto: Very nice, but we're kind of busy.  
Yoshiharu: Alright. Bye, Mario! *disappears*  
Mario: *has little hearts for eyes* Bye, Yoshiharu!  
Miyamoto: Watt, if the studio for whatever reason had a blackout, could you provide light?  
Watt: So you could see? Sure!  
Miyamoto: No, not at all. To keep Peach's relationship with Nate more or less professional.  
Watt: I can do that too!  
Miyamoto: Okay, you're hired!  
Watt: When do I get paid?  
Miyamoto: When we make a profit. *to Draco* Next!  
Watt: *floats away singing "I'm in the money!"*  
Miyamoto: *sniffs* Poor, deluded little ball of whatever...  
Draco: Here you go! *kicks Lakilester over to Miyamoto* Meet Lakilester!  
Lakilester: My name is Spike!  
Everyone Else: *rolls eyes*  
Lakil-*A/N: Spike has offered me a twenty pound bag of jelly beans to call him "Spike". He will be referred to as such for the rest of the fic.*   
Spike: I'll have you know....  
*About five...six months later...*  
Spike:...So call me Spike!  
Mario: *really needs to shave* Why were we listening to him for five months?  
Miyamoto: The author has been researching the ideal of "having a life" as she puts it. *is hit by a flying boot*  
Some Girl With a Laptop: *is typing away angrily at another table with only one boot on*  
Peach: It's the author...Let's get her!  
Nate: Why?  
Peach: She made us listen to that thing for nearly half a year! I intend on punishing her for it!  
Everyone Else: *rolls eyes*  
Peach:...Or I'll punish all of you for it!  
Everyone Else: *gains murderous glances*  
Some Girl With a Laptop: I really know how to screw things up! *runs out of the cafe*  
Miyamoto: After her! *he leads the mob of Nintendo characters and various others after the authoress*  
  
*In the Bahamas...*  
Yoshi: *is almost unrecognizable because his face is covered with a large bruise* Owie...  
  
  
Um...once again, sorry about the wait. Any auditioners who didn't appear in this chapter will next time. Sorry y'all, but I wanted to get this posted ASAP after I found it. Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! And Happy all-those-other-holidays-I-can't-spell! 


End file.
